2003-02-06 - 11:04 a.m.

I have more things to say than at the start of any other entry in recent memory, but absolutely no desire or energy to actually carry out the actions.

Last night I took off the bandage.. you know, to check how I was healing, and as is expected a little blood flowed. It was good though, I'm coming along and although it still hurts like the day it started, at least I know there's no infected thoughts brooding under the surface.

As a side effect, though, I couldn't sleep until well after 3 am. Thank god for my guitar.. in times like those I really feel that it helps me know that I'm going to be ok when I'm in the worst pain of my life.

Oh.. remembering now.

I swear my heart broke all over again when I pictured her ring hanging on the cupboard handle. I would like to paint or draw that memory some day. I was berating myself for not taking a picture.. but then again some things are better remembered naturally than through an artificial representation. Pictures are sometimes too real.

So .. yeah. I battled with the idea of writing Michelle a letter. I think I may. I need to do something. It's been 6 months and I'm still losing lots of sleep over the ordeal so obviously I have issues that need resolving. I just don't think I can do it alone. I don't know, I've tried, and I'll continue to try, but it's very disheartening when you try your best and still feel like this.

So this morning I shaved and put on the shirt I bought yesterday. I have my new jeans on (buttonfly.. I love em :) and I'm going to get a haircut at 3:00. Life goes on.

On the up side, I'm bringing my sister with me to the mall. I'm sure she'll love the accessories stores :) hehehehe. I'll probably end up buying her some clothes and stuff, I don't know.

On the down side, I finally caught my brother's cold. He was really good and always covered his mouth when he coughed (good for a 5 year old ;) but this morning my throat was very sore and I just hope it's over soon. I *ack* gargled with salt this morning *ack* *ack* so maybe that will hasten my recovery.

Wish me well :) I need the good vibes.

And now I need to go renew library books and prepare to mail a present. Lots of things to do! Keeping busy...

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