2003-11-12 - 11:37 p.m.

I just figured something out. I think.

When I tell myself "just forget about what happened and make the best of things.. keep a bright perspective and outlook", it is amazing how completely I forget about what happened. I literally treat the past as if it never happened, even on a daily basis, and I believe, even as a part of my daily life. The thing I just got is that this happens to me because of the environment I was in when I was a child. I remember a lot of violent outbursts that I had to "just put out of my mind". So I got good at forgetting about what had happened.

I got a little too good at it, it seems. Anyway, it stuck with me and now I'm often forgetting things that I've done to upset people or things I've told people I'd do. I'm forgetting to keep in touch with my friends and family, and I'm forgetting to appreciate a lot of the most wonderful people around me. I mean, I was floating on a cloud the first day I got here. I don't know how much it had to do with driving overnight to get here. :)

But a bunch of wonderful people so happy to see me... how could I not be happy? And that's all still there but I don't seem to realize it half the time. It's like I have to keep reminding myself just how good I have it. And then when it really hits me, and I'm sitting there in this wonderful place that I've been searching for so long... wow. It really sinks in. And I remember what it was like that first day :)

K that was a cool transition from the original topic ;)

I gotta go.. getting late and I promised Alex I'd be there early in the morning to play with him. He knew I didn't want to by the look on my face and he got all downcast, looking depressed about it and mumbling he didn't believe me. He has a right to say that and it made me come to a firm resolve to make sure I got there tomorrow morning no matter what. Then I made the promise with my eyes.

Fun stuff, this living. Me likey life! Me likey life! ;)

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