2004-03-11 - 7:25 p.m.

Argh.. I don't have any idea why exactly this happened, but I got nailed by a wicked caffeine headache today. It started pretty early, just after noon some time, and although I laid quiet and tried to keep things dark, I couldn't quite relax every muscle completely and feel that snap of something in my brain letting go.

It's strange that that sounds so weird to write, yet I've known about this trick for a long time. When my head feels that certain way that I call a caffeine headache, I think it's because my muscles aren't able to totally relax at all. After a while of this, something in base of my neck where it meets my head starts to get sore and swollen feeling. If I lie down a certain way, usually on my side, I can feel that even if my head is perfectly still, my neck muscles are holding it in place, not letting it go completely. Some times I can concentrate enough to let go completely and it's an astounding relief. It's like a mind trick or something, because it is not wanting to let go fully by itself so I have to do it consciously. If I can let go completely like this, the pain doesn't go away right away, but it shifts.. I can feel it changing, and then at some point I will hear a snap or pop, kind of like the noise a spark makes, but in my head, and the pain simply vanishes.

I've thought about this for years but never written it down anywhere. What a strange feeling it gives to put it up here in public. These kinds of thoughts are in my head all the time, but I don't usually think other people will understand.

Stew's ready :)

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