2005-01-28 - 4:35 a.m.

4:18 am. just finished recording half an hour of me banging away on my electric guitar.

I'm very happy with the choices I've made. I've learned to accept my skills as they are and let their uses come to me, and especially not to question myself any more than necessary. I remain unconvinced that I'm performing poorly :P

however, I am my main critic. tonight as I lay sleepless I thought of myself as an old man, still cackling away after all those years, nearly useless to the world now, but quite content in himself, for he had accomplished what he'd set out to do and done his part in the history of the race.

I had the thought tonight that I feel old not because I'm so close to death, but because I'm so very far from birth.

anyway, that was quite a nice .. err.. night .. err daydream I had there, thinking of myself as having actually done something so monumental that for the rest of my life I didn't have to worry than anyone ever expected anything of me again.

Saara has learned that the less you ask of me, the more I give.

Oh, another rumination tonight, on how it's a human peculiarity for parents to rule such a large proportion of their children's lives. Yet on reflection, I think less of my original thought, I temper it with the observation that the human education goal is so much deeper in complexity

doh

a thought just wiped all that out

drifting off thinking about the far future, of resources being depleted completely and the extinction of reactive societies.

I had a thought of writing an equivalent to Asimov's choice of catastrophes dealing with ways that a planet's life can go extinct.

god I rewrote that too many times. I should just keep writing madly, write all the htoughts, let the rest decipher. whatever. people will come along who are smarter than me. I think about that while I write :P

I was thinking more, like anywhere in the universe that there is a running, active life process consuming some resource, it will eventually come to an end when its component atoms no long carry enough residual force to keep up any semblance of structure at the macro level. There is no escaping this fundamental outcome as far as I've learned. But then again, we're not much good at extremes, are we? us newcomers to the 21st century

Like, I'm particularly interested in how long exactly it takes for the energy in a subsystem to stabilize, when that subsystem consists of a large number of highly energetic components.

Take the contents of the planet Earth. Are there still residual force waves from ancient impacts still travelling through the planet?

Think of stirring a cup of coffee. How long does it take to stop completely? Now change the order of magnitude of inertia involved and the volume under discussion as well. This to me means that people may not be conscious of exactly how long it takes some processes to wind down.

Sometimes I think along those lines, about what level of knowledge is in the "public domain" as it were.

I remember when I first encountered that phrase, in the sense of source code file being free for public use. quite a recent word.

I'm a recent human. eek. I won't be here for long. Yet I guess I'll take another day and slowly watch it burn.

cause I'm here for the show as much as to put out.

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