2002-11-13 - 8:19 a.m.

Confrontation.

I'm getting a little better at it, but still not as good as I need to be. Interesting, since the confrontation in question happened about 20 seconds ago. Lately, Mark hasn't been going to work at all that I've noticed and I really believe he lost his job. This morning I decided to ask him point blank if he had a job. In my head I ran through some of the different scenarios including his replies and what I'd say, but at some point I decided to stop doing that and just wait till I talked to him. When I came into the living room, he was sitting at the computer and I decided to wait a bit. I was unsure though, I almost decided to just ask him right then.

I noticed there were some dishes soaking in the sink so I figured after he got off the computer he wasn't going to beeline for his room and I could ask him then. So I did.. just now. I asked him calmly "Mark, do you have a job?" His answer? "Do I have a job? .. Yeah, I have a job"

I had lost my calm by that point because although I was thinking from the way he answered that he was avoiding the subject, I got onto the defensive and started justifying why I was asking, saying that he told me he had to go to work last night and I didn't notice him going. (This had happened before, too.) To this he started talking about how I dropped him off at Robin's Donut's last night for coffee with a relative etc etc, and I just said "Ok, I was just wondering" and left the kitchen.

So, in review, what I should have done is not rush myself and probe a little deeper. I would like to know what job he does have, and if it's the same one that he had before. I believe he has some temporary work that he considers a "job" and so he could answer me without lying but without really telling the truth. Basically, I'm trying to kick him out. I don't expect to get the money he told me he would give me, and I'm tired of putting up with his problems. It may very well be my fault that I'm so bothered by his problems, meaning that I should be able to just accept the world around me without wanting to change it, but the fact remains: it bothers me. This situation, I believe, is one that I can change if I have the courage.

Phew. Badminton was a blast last night. I played a couple of really intense games and my level of play was really very good. I keep being surprised at my consistent good play, but I shouldn't be.

Now there's tension in the air. At least I imagine there to be. Mark just walked by and I started thinking about it. I should just play Diablo 2. Die baddies! Die!

Yeah, I'm going to go eat cereal and play some relaxing games. Bye.

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