2002-11-25 - 8:54 a.m.

This morning I stopped in the middle of getting dressed and sat on the edge of my bed. I had been thinking of Kris and the past and stuff and decided I needed to just clear my mind and take a moment out. I think I used to do this more. Anyway, I sat down and thought to myself "acceptance is the answer". And so it was, I realised that the root of my discontent lately is my inability to accept my job and that I have to work.

In fact, going way back to my childhood, I generally refused to accept whatever tasks and responsibilities were shown to me. I was one of those people who had to be forced to do every little thing. I got very good at refusing and at "getting my way", which usually consisted of preventing someone else from getting their way. Now I'm preventing myself from getting my own way. These childhood habits stay with you for life and come up automatically it seems.

So I sat and thought of this and let it sink in slowly. I realized this in less than an hour I would be sitting at my office desk instead of on the edge of my bed. I would be sipping tea and the task before me would be.. and then I continued on in that kind of thinking, preparing myself for the day. Somehow, my train of thought got way the heck off base, as it tends to do, and I caught myself thinking about inconsequential things and wasting time, so I got back to reality with a "live in the now" thought.

That lead me to look at my feet and realise that I had been in the middle of getting dressed and I had to finish that and make my bed and eat and write a diary entry. I wrote the diary entry first :) Good boy. Now I have to eat and get to work. Pronto.

Wishing you well in this day. Take care.

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