2002-10-21 - 7:53 a.m.

Well, I wonder how many of my diary entries start off with the word "well"?

This morning is my first morning on the new 7:00 am wake-up schedule. I was in bed and asleep by 10:30 last night so I feel well rested, although it does fell a little strange to be starting my entry at 7:30. I don't really feel rushed, though, because I have about an hour to go to finish my entry and have breakfast. I'm taking the lazy way out and driving to work today. At least I think so. I'm trying to convince myself to bike. It's pretty hard.

I mean, pretty soon there will be snow on the ground and that'll mean I'll have to be really hardcore if I want to keep biking. Considering I'm wimping out now even though it's only -6C, the odds are pretty low that I'll keep biking through the winter. Whatever.

I wonder what's come over me lately. Yesterday was a strange day of sleeping in and still feeling tired. I didn't have any energy throughout the day. I didn't do all the things I should have done on a Sunday, but I didn't seem to care. I don't even feel like it really matters. But this means that everything is falling apart. Normally I would have done a financial review for the week. I also would have made up a list of tasks for this week so I wouldn't forget anything important.

I guess I've already handled these things internally, like thinking to myself that I will carry over last week's list of tasks because there are so many left undone. Adding more will just stress me because I won't finish them all. Last week's financial review was simple and felt unnecessary. Once a month should be plenty. I'm having a hard time distinguishing between being too anal and being too lenient with myself.

I'll blame everything on the season. It's dark. It's cold. I haven't been able to play outside in a long time. I haven't been watching sunsets. I've been getting less exercise. Yeah.. blaming things is nifty :o)

There really isn't much to say about yesterday. As I wrote that, I thought that I could write about going to Dave's to "fix" his computer. Nothing was broken with it, it just wasn't running up to his expectations. I have the feeling he invited me over in order to try to become my sponsor. I'm not sure how that works, but he's one of those people that are stumbling over themselves to keep talking. It's weird because I was always that kind of person and it's strange to see what I was/am like from the outside.

Dave always had a sentence ready to go as soon as I was out of breath, you know? He'd end every statement with a word leading into the next sentence and find himself taking deep breaths in the middle of sentences to make up for lost breathing time. From my point of view it was frustrating simply because when I said something it made little to no impact on the thoughts going through his head -- he had already been thinking about what he wanted to say next before I finished talking.

I remember writing in here about that night I drove Tanis home and we sat in the car and talked for a while. Rather, I let her talk because she was feeling really out of sorts and needed to vent to someone. I remember I kept biting my tongue and trying hard not to talk. She would say something and then stop talking, and the silence would widen considerably, and I would think about saying something.. then I would hold off a bit.. then a bit more.. and just as I was going to jump in and say something, she'd start up again. As the conversation wore on, it became easier for me to just shut up and realize she had a lot on her mind and what I thought about it was secondary.

Yes, I'm getting to my explanation that Dave wasn't really fun to talk to. It may have been because he was really excited or something, I don't know. But he kept talking after I politely declined a drink by saying I had to go, then he kept talking after I stood up to signal that I really had to go, and kept talking as we walked to the door and kept talking at the door, then he continued to talk while I stood outside and he stood there with the door open. At least that last bit didn't last long. Yikes. So, no, I don't think Dave would be a good sponsor for me. Unless I was doing it for a reverse psychological benefit. As Evelyn said to me, he needs help.

I must admit however that it was educational to see those things in him.

Mark just walked into the living room and there is a stench rolling from his room out the door and filling the apartment. I have to wonder if he keeps dead bodies in his closet. Maybe he's a closet vampire and he has a collection of dead rats strung up on the clothes rack. Or maybe he just doesn't shower often and spends a lot of time in bed and leaves the door closed in his room all the time.

Ok, almost 8 am. Time to dig into some breakfast cereal (gee, I really should try dinner cereal one of these days :oP ) whilst I ponder the daily news or whatnotmajigger.

For freaking goodness sakes, GOODBYE!

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