2003-03-19 - 4:47 p.m.

I can hardly believe I remembered what I wanted to write this morning when I got out of my shower. I went upstairs and had breakfast, then had some tea, then played a game of pool, all with my glasses off, since I'm in a sad, strange mood, then came and sat in my room and remembered that I had wanted to write something. Then I realized I'd forgotten. Then I wracked my brain and realized I was dispelling the memory by trying to access it.. or so I thought. So I went into the bathroom, mimicked getting out of the shower and towelling off, then cleared my mind, and it came to m.e. Miracle of miracles. Anyway, the thought was:

I don't have to know how to take my nexty breath if I was able to take the last one.

And then I want to add more variations because that doesn't quite capture it.. or reahter.. it may not be clear to all people, may not get the right interpretation, maynot communicate my thinking.

I don't have to remember how to take my next breath if I remember that I was able to take the previous one.

Somehow, saying "last" made me think that people might thinkn I'm talking about dying, as in ttaking your last breath. That's not what I mean, I mean then one in the immediate past.

I don't have to know how to take my next breath, as long as I know that I took my last.

Yes, that's how I want to say it. Maybe with a * in it that refers to (* last in the sense of previous one, not as in the sense of dying and taaking your last breath).

Or maybe I should leave it like that. Some people say ambiguity is a sign of good art. I don't know. Art isn't my intention here. It's more the recording of a startling principle that relates to my struggles to define how to create a living, sentient computer program.

You see, we don't need to know how to continue living to feel that we know how, we just need to realize that we have been living and that we will continue to do so. That's a sovering thought. None of us really know how to live, nor do we need to. That knownledege is not necessary in order to carry out the actions.

Mind you, knowledge of how to live better is always a good idea and can help to live life better and more efficiently. We do relay a lot of knowledge to each other about how to live in comfort and happieness, but none of us really needs to be given any information before we start living about how to actually do it, ergo it is possible to create a new creature that can live without actually telling ithow to.

ps

I typed all this without my glasses but I don't really care about the typos. I think it'll be interesting to read them after. I'm usually so anal about making everything perfect. It's refreshing not to be constrained by my usual need for perfection, even in places that it doesn't matter.

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