2004-02-02 - 6:29 p.m.

In order to learn, there must be stillness of self

Tonight I recorded the best music I've ever played. I finally captured "one of those moments" live. Some of those one of those moments, actually.

See? It's still happening. Some of those one of those moments. I'm likin it. Not spikin it. Okay with it. Hell, I'm great with it.

Nothing comes out sounding right

whining sucks though so I don't write ballads.

Unless they're happy ballads :D

I don't promise though :P

Hahahahaha. At least I know that much.

I'm having a conversation with myself. This happens a lot in my writing, just not in recorded writing. This is the way I was all the time when I was a teenager. Then again I was zonked out on concentrated 24/hr secondhand smoke all the time so maybe that had something to do with it.

Oh! On that subject I finally resolved some long-standing issue, minor though it may have been. I figure out that the smoke was what was making me clear my throat constantly. I was confused because I wasn't sick or really feeling anything. In fact I didn't even notice doing it until Sean brought it up over dinner. Something along the lines of "are you aware you're doing that?".

I was so surprised cause I didn't realize I was annoying someone, yet I could see how it would have been annoying. It just bugged me because I was never conscious of doing it, but knew underneath that I must still be doing it anyway (bothering him). It was nice to realize that it was his own fault I was doing it. Maybe he knew? I doubt it. He wasn't that connected to me.

I'm ready to go off and marvel some more at Joebot. Yikes, I can't wait to have a hand moving the process of creating bots along. I think I will like to program them in-game though. I'll figure it out.

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