2002-08-29 - 1:08 p.m.

I was doing really well today, but now I've slowed down inside. I feel that just living normally is hard, like trying to run in a pool. My mind is full of mud and can't slip along through the day like usual. I wonder how much is the depression of losing all I had that was important to me, and how much is due to sudden withdrawal from the three drugs I'd been abusing up until two weeks ago.

These are the kind of times when I think to myself that I know what I should be doing, and I realize that I'm not doing them. These are the times that when I look back on at the end of the day, seem like blank stretches where it should have been so easy to work. These are the times that never seem to end. I'm reminded of a line of Emily Dickinson's: "This is the hour of lead".

Meditation might be a good idea. If I'm capable of it now, that is. I shall go try.

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