2002-11-10 - 9:55 a.m.

Wow.. jumbled and stuff.

Last night I went to a housewarming party hosted by 4 guys in AA. It was cool to go to a dry house party and play party games with a bunch of people I know from the program. I brought my guitar and quite a few jam sessions were had :o)

The big downside to the evening was all the cigarette smoking. I'm sure I still smell like it or my bed does cause it was so smoky in there. I know I was bloying grey snot out of nose this morning still, and I had quite the headache last night. Smoking cigarettes has got to be the single worst habit I can think of. I'd much rather prefer to live with someone who smokes marijuana. I was talking about it with Tanis on the way home, wondering aloud if the people who chain-smoked that night really felt any different than the people who weren't smoking. I mean, did they feel better or have more fun? Or were they just feeding the habit and not really getting anything out of it?

See, if they were smoking pot, then I'd know they were feeling different than the non-smokers. And they wouldn't have been lighting up every 5 minutes over and over and over.

The food at this potluck was great. There was a big moosemeat roast that was extremely tasty. It's weird to taste what normal meat tastes like, stuff that doesn't come from an animal that's pumped with growth hormones and steroids. Meat from an animal that actually got normal exercise during its lifetime and ate whatever it wanted to instead of what came down some conveyor belt.

Man, I just can't stick to a topic this morning. I think it might have something to do with the fact that I left the party at 2 am. I remember talking about the time and thinking it was late and seeing that it was 10 to midnight. That's when I said to Tanis that I wanted to leave soon. I started hanging around the door and everything. I can't blame my not leaving then on anyone else, but I did feel like I should give her a ride home. I should have just up and announced that I had to go. I mean, it was a great time.. and well.. I'm not *that* tired this morning. I'm so indecisive lately about whether the things I do are good or bad. I just don't want to be the way I was where I don't even think about it and just let things happen however they happen.

It's a dreary day out today. I keep farting. Yesterday was foggy... today is just overcast and grey. And dim. I want to play Diablo 2. I can hear the music in my head. I could see the bad guys as I killed them last night, laying in bed trying to fall asleep. I already started my laundry so I'm not being completely useless. I think a little game playing would feel good right about now.

Escaping to some digital fantasy world where the only thing I'll gain is another zit on my ass from sitting in front of the computer for so long...

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