2002-11-15 - 8:18 a.m.

Hola

Last night as I was laying in bed, I thought back to one of my favourite memories. I'd been thinking around it lately more and more and it was just last night that I got to the root of why it was such a good memory and why it recalls such pure happiness. First, I guess I need to write about what I mean when I say I was thinking around the memory. Rather than actually thinking of anything specific that happened that day, I'd been reliving the feeling that I had. My emotional state would temporarily get sidetracked as the remembered state settled in and I got a huge feeling of serenity, but in a quickly fading form. I could sit there and ponder the moment and regain some of the feeling, but it was never very long-lived.

So last night I got the feeling again, while I was reading a book. I realized I hadn't been actually reading the last few sentences that my eyes had passed over. As I became conscious of this fact, I realized that the feeling was there again, the familiar feeling I'd had that day so long ago, which was now the feeling of remembering the day/moment as much as it was the feeling that I'd actually had at the time. As I realized it, it was fading, so I set my focus on it for a moment and some images came back: houses dotting a hillside across a lake.. summer sun.. a paved walkway that went around a small lake.. some sort of festival.. a bathtub race going on across the lake..

Just now, while thinking about that list, I recalled that there was a bullhorn sounding out across the lake, announcing what was happening at the bathtub races. I also remember we had ice cream. I was there with my mom, in some distant city; I think it was in Quebec. We also had some other people with use, I think maybe two other kids, or even just one, and another adult. We were on vacation :o) At least my mom was, I was very young. Exactly how old I was is something that completely escapes me, although I know my mother told me there were bathtub races going on so I must have been at least 3 or 4.

But the feeling is what's so important. I can sort of remember it now, although I don't want to try to hard, lest I burn up the pathways and weaken future remembrances. When I first thought of it last night, I guessed that the feeling must have been a product of being warm in the sun, happy visiting in new places, and basically a culmination of normal happy things during the day. But then as I let the memory settle deeper and relaxed my mind, I was shocked to remember just what it was that had given me that feeling. Shocked, because I remember from the inside what it's like when a young kid suddenly gets a blank look on their face and you have no idea what they're thinking. When they are stunned for a moment by some deep inner revelation.

I think the memory centers clearly on the bathtub races. I'd never heard of such a crazy idea, before or since. I just got nailed with another dose of the feeling coming back while I was writing the start of this paragraph. I don't know if that happens to other people, but it hits me quite unexpectedly and strongly. Anyway, during that moment of deep contemplation and realization, I was looking out across the lake, specifically at the houses on the hillside. The understanding that I'd just gotten was that people were going from all those houses to the bathtub races. It felt like the whole city was involved in the bathtub races.. not literally, of course, because it wasn't that big of an event, but in reality it was, because they were taking up a big part of the lake and everyone in the city was welcome to attend. The precise thought that made me think so deeply was a larger understanding that humans everywhere take time out to have these special events.. it's soooo hard to explain! I just got nailed with the feeling again, though. Humans everywhere are on schedules and have responsibilities, and things need to keep running, but on that particular day, the sun was shining, the sky was crystal, and a huge crowd of people was having a wonderful time because human beings took the time out to organize huge events just for fun. They put their daily lives on hold and went and did crazy things just for the sheer joy of it, and I was growing up into this wonderful society. I had that to look forward to as I became one of these people around me.

I probably did a bad job of explaining that precisely, but there was a definitely moment where these facts crystallized in my mind and I was overwhelmed with joy at the idea that I was growing up into such a wonderful society. Weird, but I'm sure most people have memories sort of like these.

Anyway, I really wanted to make sure this particular memory didn't get forgotten, and now my job is done.

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