2002-09-25 - 7:44 a.m.

My pants are really getting baggy these days. I keep forgetting to mention it, but when I went to the Hoito for lunch last week, I weighed myself and got quite the surprise. I actually weigh 145 again. I never thought I would go down that low, because I figured if I exercised enough to lose fat that I would gain muscle and stay the same weight anyway. Not so. I went from 160 (or maybe 155, I'd already been trying to eat less) to 145 in the space of a month. Cool. Now to get rid of these pesky love handles ;o)

Today it's going to rain so I know ahead of time that I'm taking the car. It feels kind of weird. Almost like I'm taking the easy way out or something. It's not like it's that hard to bike to work - it only takes 20 minutes - but rather that there is a lot less hassle involved in driving there. Actually, driving takes just about as long, but I get to sit on my ass and listen to the radio in a comfy chair while the air around me is heated to my preferred temperature. Bleah. I'm going to miss biking on those days that I can't do it. I need the exercise, not just to stay in shape, but to help me mentally. It really does help to give me more energy and to prepare me for the day. I only wish I could do it in shorts and a t-shirt instead of a winter jacket and gloves. Another change that's happened over the last month.

Sooo.. yesterday.. hmm.. I got some work done. Monday was a total write-off in the work department though I didn't even mention it. Yesterday I got some stuff done but wasn't with it half the time. It's kind of depressing, and it's caused by depression. Shitty deal all around. I intend to try harder. Focus is the key, because I know I can do it if I just don't think of anything else. My problem is that once I lose focus I don't necessarily know how to get it back. The fact that there is a deadline looming at the end of this week should assist me, though. Hmm.. that word "deadline" sounds so ominous. This is the time at which you will be dead if you have not succeeded. I guess it would be wrong to call it a "successline" though because 90% of the time these times go by without full success having been achieved. At least we're just like every other software company and that saves our bacon. We have done some really good work in a fairly short amount of time, considering our limited staff and experience.

After work I attempted to find this guy's place to do a computer fixing housecall. I swear I looked it up on mapquest and either I got the wrong map or I looked at it wrong, because I went to the totally wrong place. I even remember Mark looking over my shoulder and saying "it's down by the waterfront", where I thought it was, instead of halfway between Fort William and Westfort. :oP Anyway, so I got the the wrong place right on time.. bleah.. then it sort of dawned on my where I was supposed to go.. the guy did say his street was "off walsh" and walsh hadn't rung much of a bell until I got where I thought was the right place and suddenly remembered where walsh was. So I drove there to at least get a fix on where the house is so the next time I could be there on time. I'm going tonight and hopefully won't be there too long because I have a hot date with my roommate on the computer. Yeeehaa! We're going to do.. uh.. I think we're going to record music or something like that. He wants me to show him stuff on the computer and I'm glad to oblige. It'll pass the evening nicely.

I also talked to Sarah last night, and since I had to go to bed early we figured we could do some more catching up tonight. I'm excited because she's coming to visit at the end of October! I get to take her out somewhere to celebrate the event of seeing her for the first time in years. Funny how we just recently got in touch and then suddenly she's coming up to Thunder Bay.. hmmmm.. Anyway, just another reason not to spend too long fixing buddy's computer tonight.

I have to deposit $40 at the bank on the way to work this morning so I can pay my phone bill when I get home. I have to pay it today or at the latest tomorrow because it takes a day to process the payment and the money is due on friday. Sigh. But this is the last bill for september! All I owe after this is the miscellaneous bank fees for my account and $5 interest on what's left of my line of credit.

Then I can get to paying off my maxed Visa card! Joy! I figure by November 1st I'll be all done. Then I'll pay off the last of my student line of credit and then.. THEN.. I'll be in the black for the first time in YEARS!!! W00t!

That'll be an exciting day. Tempered by my general depression, I'm sure, but exciting nonetheless.

Oh yeah, after my failed computer housecall I headed to badminton. I was way at the other end of town and kept changing my mind about what the best route was to get from one end to the other. I ended up driving all over Thunder Bay, taking wrong turns all over the place. It felt just like my life has been for the last month.. driving and driving and not getting where I wanted to be. I finally did arrive though. I think I drove 50 kilometers last night. :oP Badminton was fun, though. I'm so glad it's fully started this year because I hate when I can't play. I'm also looking forward to the possibility that Larry, Jamie and I will be able to play at the church gym on Thursday nights. 3 nights of badminton a week is just right :o)

I'm not sure what to do about AA meetings now. Of the 3 meetings nights at the group I go to, 2 of them are now taken up by badminton. The choice of which to go to was fairly easy to make, especially since there are many other AA meetings around town on different days. The one closest to me is shutting down apparently, but I'm thinking I may want to choose wednesday as another AA meeting night. That would make it Sunday - Wednesday and I think that would be fine. First I'll have to see how it goes with just the Sunday though. I'm thinking that might be fine too cause I'm already feeling the lack of free time. I went from having every single night to myself to having only a few nights free and it's not something I'm used to yet. I really intend to get started on some programming projects at home, and when am I supposed to do that?

That was about all for my day yesterday. Post-badminton I chatted with Sarah for a little and then said hi to Shawna but took off to bed right away. I'm up on time and ready for my day so I can't complain about much. If it wasn't all cloudy out I'd be thinking of going up the hill to see the sunrise. Oh, I recently decided I wanted to take some pictures of the sunrise. That's something I haven't done in a long time. I used to take quite a few pictures and I'm proud of some of them, so I should definitely get back into that now that I have some expendable income.

That's another thing I should do. Now that I'm going to have some money, I need to come up with a list of things I want to buy so I can decide which to buy and in what order. I'm starting to think of buying a badminton racquet and I know that in the past I would have bought one on impulse before taking care of more important things like getting an oil change. So I have to dedicate some time to planning.

I should also clean the apartment. It needs to be vacuumed badly. It could stand some tidying up, too, because there are still boxes, wood, and miscellanous junk piled around the edges of the living space. Not that I need the space or anything, but I should generally devote a few hours to maintenance if I want to be successful in life.

Looks like I have my week planned out.

Oh, another thing. I read over a few of my older entries yesterday and I realized how I haven't done that before. I also realized that I was learning a lot by reading what I'd written in the recent past. I think it would be a really good idea to spend some time every weekend going over all the entries of the past week and summarizing what I'd said, what I'd learned, and where I seemed to go wrong in retrospect. I started this diary for the specific purpose of improving myself, so seeing how I'm coming along is very necessary. So, starting this weekend I also have that task to do. We'll see if I can remember without some kind of note or prodding. I'm optimistic but not too convinced. We'll see.

Alright, I'm off to eat breakfast and make lunch. It's only quarter to eight so I'll have time to make it to the bank and stuff before work. Can't forget that.

Au revoir

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