2002-09-28 - 7:50 a.m.

September 28th. One month after making my 3 month, 6 month and 12 month goals. So far I'm on track for my 3 month goal and I'm thinking of adding an element to it. My 6 month goal also looks good. I've been very good at being smarter with my money. My one year goal has changed, though. I'll go pull up the original list for modifications.

Crappy. Stupid Microsoft. I can't cut and paste from IE5.5 into Wordpad. :oP I bet because it is trying to paste as HTML or something stupid. Why can't Microsoft stop getting in my way when I want to do my daily things? Seriously, folks.

Ok, copying the old fashioned way :o)

3 month goal

on November 28th, 2002, I want to:

-not have had a drink or smoked pot since today, August 28th, 2002

On second thought, I'm rushing into something when I'd already decided differently. Yes, it is exactly one month since I made these goals, but I have tomorrow planned as goal review and revision day. I need to stick to my plans.

So, onward and upward :o)

Yesterday I went up the hill just in time for a glorious sunrise. I even brought my camera and took three pictures! It was very familiar to be standing there, watching happily, and trying to pick the best moment to snap a picture. I used to do the same with sunsets in Terrace Bay so long ago. Well, it was only 8 years, but it was quite a while. So anyway, there was a big bank of clouds laying just on the horizon and these got lit up by the rising sun so they glowed a faint pink that brightened as time went on.

A really cool feature was that I could see a strange shape of cloud on the horizon that stood out quite distinctly. I'm sure it was the vapour coming from the pulp mill in Nipigon, which is 100 km away. It was in the right direction and the strange cloud thing didn't move around on the horizon but kept changing shape. I hope it'll show up in the pictures.

I need a tripod because even though I try to stand perfectly still when I'm taking pictures in low-light conditions, I know I'm not doing a very good job. I'm pretty sure these pics will come out blurry, especially the best one, the one where the sun has half-risen and you can see its glowing orange disk through the cloud bank.

Bah.. enough talk about that! I just wanted to say that I'm really glad I went up there. I was thinking it already on my way up the hill, and I thought it the whole time up there. I really like going up to watch sunrises. Definitely something to add to my list of goals. And pictures! Lots of pictures! :o)

Maybe now I'll have to make it a plan to drive to the bluffs one morning and see the sunrise from there. I can make it a special plan, say for next Saturday, to give me something to do first thing in the morning. I bet there's a really good unrestricted view there, although I'm not sure if the sun would rise over the water or not. Maybe Hillcrest park would be good too. See?? If I try, fun things will be found to do. I never would have gotten up to watch sunrises if I was still chronically smoking pot.

I need hand cream and a bowl of cereal..

Ok. Well, I completely lost my focus just now and ended up reading Weetabix's latest entry. Not like that's a crime, but it reminds me of how I behave at work, where I con myself into breaking the flow for "just a minute" and then end up wandering back to task 20 minutes later wondering what was going on and unable to pick up my thread of thought again.

Luckily I didn't have a thread of thought going to risk losing when I left for hand cream and cereal.

I'll blame it on my roommate. I had to rewash the bowl (yes, the bowl, as in our only one) and a spoon, which by the way washed off my precious hand cream, and made me take so much time in the kitchen that I forgot about my entry. :oP. Ok, that's a complete crock. Moving on...

Quoi d'neuf? Well work went very well yesterday. I was seriously right at it from the minute I sat down till lunch. That's good... I'm very pleased with myself. I'm contemplating a goal that reads something like "work 4 solid hours today at the office" and stick to it. If I consistently succeed, I can raise the hour figure until things optimize.

After lunch I staggered a bit but then got back to task and although I didn't quite accomplish what I was aiming for that day, it wasn't for lack of trying which is not the usual reason ;o) So yeah, work was good.

After work I ran out to do some grocery shopping. What is it with me? I have a ton of food in the house, literally a ton, and then I go out and buy $44 worth of stuff. Not only that, but I bought brocolli for quiche and ground pork for tourtiere, but completely forgot crisco for the crusts those things require.. hello? In my defense, OJ was 40 cents off so I got 6 cans instead of 2, but still. $44? Oh, and I also got a 12pack of ginger ale cans :o) I've been craving that stuff like mad. It's all good.

Anyway, so yeah I bought lots of stuff at the grocery store. Back home, I started a pita pizza in the oven and then showed Mark some stuff on the computer. We started in MAME and ended up in Day of Defeat. I'll hook him on FPS games yet muahahahaha! I think he really got a feel for why DoD is so addictive. I can't think of any other game that puts you so intimately into the action. I mean, he started out playing Terminator 2 on MAME where these pixellated T2000s walk towards you and across the screen and you point at them with the mouse and blow them up to laying down in a trench after bullets whizzed past his head and having an enemy soldier run around the corner of the trench and shoot him. One game just sits there letting you shoot at it, and the other one recreates a whole world around you that is alive and kicking and that you can't fall asleep in.

Anyway, enough of that forthcoming at the LAN party today :o)

So after the I went to my AA meeting. I made it a bit early to catch some of the business meeting and that was educational. I see that a lot of people are unwilling to make the effort to keep the thing running. It's just like every other facet of life, and it seems more likely that I'm to be one of these people that the masses depend on to keep things running. The scary thing is, I seem to be one of the most capable people I know. On one hand I have conceit regarding that, but on the other I have the responsibility of recognizing that I'm just plain better at handling things than most other people. It just means I can't waste my talent or a lot of people will be robbed of a better life.

Hey! I just realized something. Since reading about "brilliant failures", today is the first day I can recall thinking that I don't feel like I'm going to be one. Finally! Excellent... very very good.

The AA meeting was good. I didn't feel "with it" when it came time to comment. I usually have more attention energy to spend on absorbing everything, but I felt overwhelmed last night. I put it down to tiredness although I don't really know why. Must have been. I don't think there were all that many days where I was really getting up at 6:30 there. Well, two days running now and no end in sight :o)

After the meeting, I came home and went to my room. I had an internal struggle sitting in front of the computer, deciding whether or not to check if Michelle was online. I had told myself earlier that I didn't want to chat with her on Friday or on the weekend, so the answer should have been simple but I still had to convince myself not to turn the computer on. Instead I went into my room and sat at my desk to review my goal pages.

I started something new last night. I wrote the date on a blank page and listed all the daily goals that applied to the last 24 hours, then checked off the ones that I had accomplished. I listed 5 goals and checked them all off, so I have a record of being good. So far this morning I have 2 goals under my belt and I'm working on the 3rd right now :o) I'm going to have to be dilligent to make sure I get lights out in my bedroom by 11:00. It's going to be hard to start packing everything up at a LAN party at only 10:00 but that's the latest I can leave it if I want to make my goal. We'll see.

So on the topic of Michelle, I believe she signs on to MSN pretty much every night, but after I go to sleep. I'm debating whether I should purposely stay up on monday or tuesday night to talk to her. She can't stay up too late because Kris wakes up early regardless. I really do want to talk to her. And for once it's for a good reason. I want her to know that I still want to talk and that I still want to be friends. I think she has the impression I don't want to talk to her. I said something to that effect when I saw her three weeks ago (wow, it's been a long time already) but I rescinded the comments in the email I sent the next day. I don't know if she knows that I still want to talk though.

There's also the CTB thing to discuss and the fact that I haven't gotten my library card yet. I believe she didn't bother to send it because of the digital camera cable thing, but I don't know. And lastly I really want to know how Kris is doing. I also want to talk to Mich honestly about Kris. I want us to decide what would be best in terms of me visiting her. To be honest, I don't feel comfortable with never visiting her again. That just seems so sad and wrong. We both love each other.. poor thing. I know I miss her... Anyway, but I also don't feel welcome to go visit, and I know I said I should see her anymore because I'll just be delaying the inevitable of the final good bye and making it harder on everyone. But that seems like a very childish thing to say. It just doesn't seem right for some reason. Anyway, I really want to discuss this with her and I hope she's amenable to talking. We'll see. She may just tell me to take a hike. But I don't think so. I'm confused. We'll see.

Time for me to end this. I went to bed with my guitar on my chest again. I love that thing.

Yeah, peace out BLEAH!! BAH BAH!!! BBBAHHHH!! hahahaha

ok, a moment of hilarity there.

It has passed.

Au revoir.

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