2003-04-02 - 11:03 p.m.

I'm trying a little experiment tonight. I'm going to try to go to sleep right now, at 11:00 pm.

On another note, I haven't been accomplishing much lately. No programming to speak of. No finishing of paintings which was my goal today. Haven't set up the family web site yet. Stopped recording what time I get up and go to sleep. Haven't read the big book in ages.

Mostly, I've just been doing whatever I feel like at the moment and avoiding any kind of work or responsibility. Hmm.. This is just me. Kinda sad, in a way. Full of great ideas, but I'll die that way, I think. I finished a novel today, "Earth Abides". A bit odd, very old, and somewhat annoying for its treatment of woman and minorities, but still some good messages. At the end of the book the narrator dies and thinks about what he's accomplished in his life. It made me picture myself on my death bed, knowing it was the end and that I wouldn't have the opportunity to do any more. The way I'm going now, I won't have accomplished anything significant that will have any effect on future generations.

I'm not saying I want to be famous, I'm just saying I want to make a difference. I want the fact that I was ever alive to be a good thing and to have improved life for the average person. And actually, considering what I *could* do, it's a completely feasible goal. Food for thought. Dream for life. Dream for energy to live life. Awake from dream. Please.

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