2003-05-25 - 12:52 p.m.

:o) I can hardly believe that I was hesitant to come up here for two weeks. Now two weeks doesn't seem like nearly long enough and I'm looking forward to the next visit less than two months away. I feel ten times better than I did when I left. I think the fresh air and change of pace really set me back on my feet. I really need to remember this so that when I get down again I can make the time to come out here to the country for a few weeks visit. I'm sure I'll need it in the years ahead. Not that that's a bad thing, but there is pain in life to be lived through and it doesn't hurt to make plans to deal with it ahead of time.

I finally feel like I'm really ready to continue with my life. For the longest time there I felt really unsure about what was coming next, what I should do next, whether I was up to it, and added to all that I really wasn't looking forward to the future. Now I'm not exactly chomping at the bit, but I don't feel like the future is forbidding anymore. I'm ready to face it and I know everything will work out just fine. I'll be ok. Happiness will come my way. No, I really should say happiness will continue to come my way because I'm no less than happy as it is. Sometimes all it takes to be happy is to appreciate that you already are.

The adventures here have continued.. I've explored more roads on the 4 wheeler, got stuck badly in some mud once and had to dig and pry and shove and haul my way out with sucking mud and buzzing flies all around. That was a fun time that I'll always remember fondly, I'm sure. I remember the moment of dread as I realized I was really stuck and the machine wasn't going anywhere by itself. That lasted about 1.5 seconds before I vaulted out of the seat and over the front rack to land on some solid ground and start working on a way out. I can be a total lazy ass and do nothing with my time and I can avoid difficult situations, but when I find myself in a crisis, I invariably spring into action with a firm resolve to get out ok, and I don't quit or lose hope until I make it. That's exactly what happened when I was stuck and it feels great to know that I still have that in me.

Anyway, no more time to write, I'm being called to lunch. I'd love to sit here some more but alas there is more to life than recording, as much as I like to spend time doing that. I'll be back before too long. I'll be home tomorrow night and then we'll see how things go. Good luck, my future self :o)

ps I scored 180 points in a turn at darts last night, my first time ever, and I even have a picture to prove it!

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