2004-01-19 - 10:50 a.m.

Morning.. blech. Don't know why I had such a hard time getting up today. I went to bed before midnight and fell asleep pretty much right away. (Second night in a row!) But still, this morning I laid around for a while in that dazed half-waking state. It may have had something to do with the fact that I went to bed with a caffeine headache that started developing around 5pm. I can't believe I'm considering buying myself a little 1 cup coffee maker for my apartment. After over a year of abstaining completely from it, I'm considering condoning this addiction in my house? Sigh. I know I shouldn't but I'm afraid I will. The thing about coffee is that I want it before I drink it, then after I drink it I don't feel noticeably different except for my heart racing sometimes and feeling jittery if I have too much. It seems pretty pointless. Coffee doesn't give you energy, it alters your brain chemistry so your brain can run on less energy. But too much caffeine and then your brain can't shut down. At least for some people. So yeah.. what am I thinking? I really just need to quit again. Sigh. I wonder if when I'm 50 it will be the thing to "quit coffee" like it is now to quit smoking. Maybe a bunch of studies will show that coffee is the cause of a lot of heart diease and raised blood pressure, and of a lot of angriness and tension in the household. I think I'm a mellower person when I don't have coffee for a while. This is a long paragraph.

So yeah, morning. Yesterday was good. I did a lot of work, reached my goal from the day before, so I was quite pleased. At the very end, when the headache was really taking hold, I thought I was going to have to leave my progress a bit short, but some time away to start supper cooking helped me because when I glanced over the code again I realized I was using an FILE_BITMAP instead of FILE_ICON parameter to load my icon. Changed that and it worked like a charm. Programming can be so frustrating, it's a really good thing I've learned to just laugh off stupid mistakes. :) The harder I try to get everything right in programming, the more mistakes I make, so I have to stay laid back and not get tense. Works for me.

Not much else going on. It's good, I'm really focusing on work cause that's what I need to do most at the moment. I'm really a single-tasking kind of person :P Before, I did nothing but work on family and relationship stuff to the detriment of getting and doing work to make money. Now I've flipped the coin. Whatever, it's a limitation of my character and I'm far past wanting to change myself. I'm just trying to be happy with who I've become so I don't go around moping and crying about my fate. Funny thought, it occurred to me for the first time last night that I might like to end up just being a nobody. I might like to just be a hermit who lives in the forests around Elliot Lake and do nothing significant to impact the world state for the rest of my days until I just wink out and nobody really remembers me. Then I kinda laughed and shook my head. It's an interesting thought, though. I think what I'll do is save that thought and live kind of a double life where on one hand I'm this big important computer scientist breaking new ground and making the world a better place for everyone, and on the hidden side I fly back to my secret hiding place in the woods and live a simple life without so much as electricity or running water.

Oops lol. I just had a dumb thought there. Colour me blonde but I thought "hey, my electric guitar would get really clean sound out there with no electrical interference." But anyway, my accoustic would sound just as sweet, and as long as I could make fire I'd live in comfort with a roof over my head. Who knows what else would be under that roof? Top 5: guitar, art supplies, books, a companion, (god I wanted to write 'a computer' lol) maybe a radio? Why do I never make it to number 5 out of a top 5 very easily? Maybe it would be a deck of cards, but nah, I could make one with the art supplies. Maybe it would be woodworking tools. I guess I just assumed a ton of good cookware would be there, but I guess that would fall under a top 5.

Ok, there I went again. I told myself just a short entry but once I got started I just went and went. It's been 20 minutes, I have to eat some raisin bran and have a shower so I can do a little research before heading out to Saara's. Hopefully I'll come back fit to work. Must concentrate...

Toodles

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